I Shop at Wal-Mart

I used to avoid Wal-Mart out of respect for you.

Since you've dumped me as your friend without any explanation.....though some people have suggested that maybe you slept with my ex-husband, I seriously doubt you would remove the stick from your ass far enough to sleep with someone you felt was beneath you.....I mean really would little miss business woman sleep with a pill-popping, right-wing, conspiracy theorist, pro-life, hillbilly? Hmmmm, maybe since she couldn't keep her hands off of him if my memory serves me correctly. But then again he would never wear a condom, you've never let anybody near you without one, you never want kids and all he ever wanted was to have kids!! Doesn't add up, but if it did happen know that you are both dead to me.

I'm not even sure I care anymore why you haven't responded to any of my attempts to reach out to you. Really? You couldn't even wish me a Merry Christmas when I wished you one?? What a bitch!

You are no better than Wal-Mart who you say made your parents lose their business.....you gave up a good friend because you are too busy building a business, making money, driving your stupid, fancy car and hobnobbing with the upwardly mobile. Seems like the same thing to me!

I guess you don't need friends when you have money!!

Well now I shop at Wal-Mart gleefully and with abandon.....because it's my way of saying FUCK YOU!!!

Happy Anniversary

On January 14th I realized I'm still grieving the loss of my marriage. It's very surreal to know that I will never see Ty again, but in my heart I want to see him, hold him, love him. I miss his voice and the way he used to call me at the grocery store to tell me to hurry home because he missed me. I miss his homemade cards for special occasions. I miss being in a relationship with him....not just in a relationship with somebody.

I spent the day trying not to think about him or think about where everything went wrong or why he doesn't love and want me anymore. I kept myself busy and then finally went to pieces in the McDonald's parking lot while eating an ice cream cone.....snotty cone, yum yum! I resisted looking at his pictures, our pictures, re-reading his letters and emails. It's just too fucking painful!!!

Will I date again? Probably, but I doubt that I will have the kind of mad, crazy love that I felt (and in all honesty still feel) for Ty. I know he never loved me like I love him....it makes me wonder why he married me? But the answers that come to mind are too dark.....because those answers mean that it was all a lie, his love wasn't real, he used me, the means justifies the end, I was a convenience and not worthy of a lifetime of love from him.

Soon, I will pack all of the pictures, the letters, my wedding dress, my ring and all the memories into a pretty box and place it on a shelf in my closet where I won't be tempted to relive the wild ride that being married to him was.

I waited for the call.......it never came......I wonder if he thought of me on our anniversary???

Pain!

I have lived in constant pain for the last three years! The doctor says fibromyalgia....some people don't believe that exists. All I know is that I hurt all the time. I'm tired of hurting. I don't sleep well, I'm depressed, I'm getting heavier and heavier which I HATE!!

Yesterday I picked up a book by Sue Hitzmann. It's about her technique called MELT. It was on Dr. Oz, so it must work right?? So healthy that Dr. Oz!