OH MY GOD!

Jesus H. Christ - I jinxed myself! I wrote a quick post to Facebook saying nobody was in the library. Then much to my dismay and fucking horror, macaroni and cheese family walked in, then I have a PhD lady with her kids and then another kid (who ain't 11 by the way) comes in. Now they are all on the computers talking all loud, macaroni and cheese mom is yelling at her kids about the games and PhD lady is nowhere to be found and her kid ain't 11 either.

I am positive macaroni and cheese mom is as high as a kite.......her eyes are closed and she's rubbing her finger over her lips....over and over and over....GROSS. Last time she was here she went in the bathroom for about 15 minutes and came out sniffing over and over and over! I'm just sayin' something's fishy about her and her kids.

I hate confrontation but I'm gonna tell these parents they can't leave there kids in here by themselves unless they are 11.....I mean hell, there's a crack addict in here for God's sake!!

Little Girl In the Library

Dear Mom,

I'm sure you named me Serenity for a reason! Maybe to get some serenity in your life......duh....then why is it you scream at me when I'm asking for your help. Anyways, I'm just sayin' you are not making my life very serene!!!

Love,
Your child....Serenity

In The Library Today

Today is my Friday! Why, you ask? Because I work the weekend. It will be my second weekend in a row!That's the great and horrible thing about libraries......extended hours. Great when you don't have a life, not so great when you have other shit to do. I've developed a love/hate relationship for:

Patrons - especially the smelly ones
Co-Workers - the stupid ones
Lazy bitches who claim mental stress and get a doctor to sign off on some bogus claim saying they can't work with the public - hey BITCH you have a public services job....oh that's right you are in graduate school and can't chew gum and walk at the same time so how could you fucking hold down a job and go to school??? You tell me, cause I'm about ready to punch you in the mouth!
Administration - who fall for the bullshit noted above
Jackasses - who can't remember how to spell their last name or their fucking birthdate
Stupid people - who say, do and think stupid shit
Guys who make passes at girls who wear glasses (you know who you are old man - leave me alone!)

Current hiring freeze and lack of employees to work weekends is making my blood boil and that leads to excessive snacking, drinking and hot flashes!!!

Yes, I feel one coming on now!

In the Library Today

M is in the library today, AGAIN! Boy, I wish M could read this blog because she would know who she is. You know who you are.....don't you? You are the one who insists on staying in the library all day to check your Facebook, ask for glue sticks, construction paper, ILL textbooks for your college courses that you never return, use our public phone, and have your mommy who works next door ask if we can warm up your lunch in our microwave!!! Oh, and then you ask me those lovely questions like:

Do you think I can get a job in  a daycare with my degree?
How many credits does it take to get an associate's degree?
AND my personal favorite,
Do you think I will get in trouble for turning in this assignment late??

You actually told me one day that you forgot your coffee cup and lunch garbage in here because your CP makes you forgetful. Hey all you doctors, is that true or was she just yanking my chain because she thinks I'm her maid????

I really thought today the annoying people would stay home, but noooooooo not today when I've started my period after a 30 day break!! Can you say it with me people? WATCH THE FUCK OUT cause I'm having a bad day!!

PS
I need something more than an exclamation point to express my feelings in this blog!!!!!!!! See what I mean?

Dear Children

I regret to inform you I WILL be in the library today.....hahahaha Just kidding! The sun is shining, storytime was awesome and at 5:00 I will go home. How could today get any better? Oh yeah, I wouldn't be here I would be drinking a Margarita in Cozumel!
I suspect that before the end of the day I will be posting some horrible, smelly or loud event happening in the library......WATCH OUT!

Sincerely,
Your library lady

Ahhhhhhh a Day Off!

Dear Children,

I regret to inform you that I won't be in the library today! I have the day off to do what I please. So, I will clean my house, wash the dishes, do the laundry and grocery shop. Just know that I miss your smelly little butts and your clueless parents. Why? Because without you this blog would be impossible=)

Sincerely,
Your library lady

Dear Adults

Dear Adults,

In case you were not aware, this is a children's room! Please explain to me why you continue to come in here when you don't have children. Do you really believe that just because you want to use a computer you can come in here and monopolize the kid's computers? Oh that's right, you do! I have told all of you time and time again not to turn off the pre-loaded kids games so that you can get on the Internet to check your email and Facebook accounts, yet you persist in doing it anyways. You do realize that when you access the Internet then forget to turn back on the kids games that I have to get up out of my chair and reload them as a 4 year old is crying that the games aren't working. Then said child has to wait 7 minutes for the games to reload. Again, all the while whining and screaming that they want to play games!!! Then after all of this screaming by the child, the by now annoyed mother tells the child it's time to go home whereas much more screaming ensues.
Please.....I'm begging you.....use the computers in the main library that were designed for adult use and I should not have to remind you but I will anyways......NO PORN!

Thank you,
Your very bitchy, hormonal library technician

In the Library Today

I will choose to call this person "Laminator Man"! My boss mentioned to a patron that the children's room had a laminator that he could use to laminate his insurance card......okay, so I think this is a one time deal. Obviously, Laminator Man is in love with our laminator and shows up today to laminate a very tiny ID card for himself. Can one be addicted to laminating? Is it like those cool label makers that crazy people use to label everything in their house? I am lumping this guy into my USER category. You know those people who find out the library has some handy, dandy gadget and begin to think it is for their personal use. This guy is just like "Preacher Man" who found out if he gives us his pouty face we will color copy baptismal certificates.....GOD, I am such a sucker for a pouty face.

Two new categories of library patrons:

USERS - those who are obsessed with our stuff
LOSERS - those who are needy, messy, crabby, noisy and/or just plain fucked up
CUTIES - anybody I love to see in the library. Mostly kids who are not annoying, love to read and talk books!!!

I am anxiously awaiting the return of Laminator Man......NOT!

In the Library Today

Nobody! Just me, my hunger and a huge hot flash waiting to happen. I know it's coming! I can feel it creeping up my spine to hit my face in a flash of redness that will scare small children. My family knows to stay the hell out of my way or grab a glass of water to toss in my face!

Warning - stay the hell out of the library today! And for those of you at home --- hide in your rooms!

First Blog Ever

This blog isn't so much about libraries as it is about the weird and quirky statements I hear in the library and the people who say them. It will also be my forum for all things that I hate and love about my job and my life as a mom, wife, daughter, sister, head cook and bottle washer and graduate student at the menopausal age of 50.

It won't be for the faint of heart! I will use foul (and maybe even fowl) language, call people stupid, talk about sex, say inappropriate things, discuss my marriage (my first and suspected only), rant about my teenage son and maybe every once in awhile toss in a recipe because I love to cook!!!

It may get crazy soooooo watch out!